Sick, tired, and restless.

I called in sick to work today. I woke up and just felt...icky. A light pounding in my head, right behind the eyes, accompanied by a sort of queasy sensation radiating from my gut. It isn't that bad; I probably could have made it in to work, but I honestly didn't want to chance it; illness is born and festers in that tiny little sick box that I work in; at any time, four to seven human beings sit in relatively close quarters, breathing the same air, coughing and sneezing everywhere, and touching stuff. All the hand sanitizer in the world couldn't prevent illness from spreading around in that room.

I could have gone in today. But being the reasonably intelligent individual that I am, I decided my health (and that of my co-workers) is more important. So I stayed home, buried myself in a thick blanket, and alternated between some light reading and napping. The down side is I'll probably be up all night, and I will be going in to work tomorrow; being one of the working poor, I have little choice in the matter.

Still, I find myself being in the vexing situation of being tired and feeling yucky, yet also restless; I desperately want to move about and do stuff, but I find that getting out of bed drains me of energy faster than a suitable metaphor involving an activity that's overly taxing.

Yo.

But seeing as we've entered the second week of the new year, and I'm bored and restless, I figured I'd choke back my urge to vomit, ignore the minor aches and pains, sit down and write. And  today's subject is *drum roll*... an update on my resolutions!!

"Animal showed up for this?!"

I know, I know, I already did an entry talking about the various goals I'll probably crash and burn. Well, tough. It's my blog and I'll be repetitive if I want to!

I've decided the best way to keep myself on track is to regularly post updates on this here blog. That's right kids, you'll be hearing me drone on and on and on and on about the same subjects! Cool, right? So basically I'll be doing what every other blog does. Original, I know. I'm known far and wide for my awesome creativity and uniqueness.

So...

I've completed my first week back in the gym. Not having been in some months, I've naturally noticed a decrease in strength and endurance. I've decided to ease back into being a gym rat, and my workouts this first week have reflected that; I'm really trying to focus on proper form and building a solid foundation before I get heavily into it.

For this first month or so, I'm going to hit every major muscle group once a week, and have a single day of light cardio. I'll be going lighter than I normally would to get my muscles back into it, as well as to solidify my form.

One particular issue I will be devoting much of my attention to (outside of melting down the rolls of flab I'm carrying) are my hips and core. I have what I'd like to refer to as Old Man Hips; my poor hip flexors have always been weak, puny things. Even as a child, I found sitting cross legged uncomfortable. As an adult who spends the majority of his time sitting down, it's naturally gotten even worse; eight hours spent in a chair at work, followed by several more hours spent in front of a computer or 360 or PS3 has absolutely ruined my hips.

Now whenever I stand, I can feel my glutes tensed up, trying to compensate for the fact that my hip flexors and core are too weak to keep me standing straight. Which, by the way, I don't do; I notice myself leaning forward whenever I'm distracted, and have to consciously adjust my posture.

"Me too!"

I'm short enough. I don't need to lose a few precious inches by having a perpetual slouch. And don't forget the inevitable back issues if this keep up.

So yeah, that's fun!

I'm also pleased to report that I've been following through another of my resolutions and writing more. I've finally gotten around to finishing up a short story that's been gathering dust on my hard drive. Well, not finishing so much as working on it. But hey, baby steps. It'll get done sooner or later. I hope.

Okay, that's not very encouraging. I'm trying, dammit.

Evolve Or Die

First off, let me get the obligatory Happy New Year cheer out of the way:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

There. Now that that's done with, we can get to the real reason I'm writing this particular blog entry; for that matter, the real reason people get so excited and festive about this time of year, every year, since humanity started tracking and recording the passage of time:

No, not booze. That's a close second.

The New Year means it's time to make Resolutions! And everyone loves making those. Literally millions of people go through this fun ritual each year. They sit down, faces frozen in a thoughtful frown while they pensively review their lives and what needs to be eliminated, altered, or improved, and how to go about it. Once they've pinpointed those niggling little wrinkles in the glorious tapestry of their lives, they stand up proudly and declare to themselves and the universe at large: "This year, I will do/change ----- !"

And they'll mean it

But more often than not, that drive, that energy will fizzle out faster than your brain cells at a political debate; I estimate that by the end of January, 83% of all New Year's Resolutions will have been swept under the rug as energy and drive are overcome by the banality of 9 to 5 jobs, picking the kids up from school, or the fact that you're a lazy git with no ambition.

Wow, that came out a lot more gloomy than I intended. Believe it or not, pointing out the failings of others is not my goal in this particular entry (that comes later); rather, I'm laying out the grim cycle of Declare and Fail that plagues many individuals at this time of year, myself included. My purpose isn't to deride and mock, but rather to remind myself of just what can very easily happen.

For this year I have a large number of resolutions, and I want, no, I need them to succeed. Because 2013 sucked. This past year has sucked so very hard, and a lot of it had to do with my own failings. Not all of it; cruel circumstance and a staggering amount of outside forces have played their hand. But in the end, I can only blame myself.

The grim truth of the matter is that I cannot continue on as I have been. Changes need to be made, old patterns need to be revised, and I need a new outlook. Because I'm rapidly approaching a point at which the nihilistic tendencies that wiggle about in the back of my mind will gain a solid foothold, and I'll be done. Not suicidal or any of that nonsense, but something fairly close: numbly living day to day with no dreams or ambitions, waiting for the end to come.

Okay, that came out sounding even worse than my resolution diatribe; melodrama personally makes my teeth ache, but that doesn't seem to stop me from doing it. But that actually provides me with the perfect segue to the next part: the listing of some of my resolutions! Damn, I'm a genius!

My Resolutions:

Enough of the Melodrama- I don't think I need to go into too much detail, since I just demonstrated how tiresome this habit of mine can be; I'm sure all who have known me for a while will be grateful for this resolution.

Vaguebooking- As defined by Urban Dictionary, "An intentionally vague Facebook status update that prompts friends to ask what's going on." I'm sure I'm guilty of doing this a time or two, but I see it all the time on Facebook, as well as emails, texts, and in personal conversations. I hate that shit. From now on, I'm not doing that and I will no longer respond to it; I'm not a fish, you don't need to use bait in order to talk to me about something. If you want to talk, let's talk. But opening statements like "here we go again," or "that was weird" will go unanswered.

Getting in Shape- Let's do a maths equation, you guys! What does mindless snacking + depression + a job where I sit for 8 hours add up to? The answer is some serious SANTA BELLY. You'll notice the words are big and black, just like my body right now; I had to go out and buy new pants because I can't fit into my others pairs. I've also noticed that I'm a little out of breath when I climb the steps. Make no mistake, this is a problem. Gaining a pound here or there is one thing, but I've let things go too far; no matter what I wear, my stomach sticks out like Eddie Murphy at a Klan meeting.

"Hi there!"

The Write Stuff- I've got accept that fact that my muse is not going to actually do its job and rain inspiration down on me; at this point, I'm not even sure she's still around. For all I know, that bitch is cheating on me with some other struggling creative type; she and that other loser's muse are probably in the middle of a fantastic creative sex orgy, squeezing out ideas the way the Octomom births children.

She's full of ideas.

So I need to cut my loses and accept the fact that I'll actually have to *work* at being a good writer. Lame.



Get a Life- To say that I have a case of Cabin Fever would be an understatement; my reclusive habits have reached an all time high. My excursions for the past year have mostly been limited to going to work or grocery shopping. What few friends I have in this town, I see infrequently. Obviously, this is not healthy.
So, I'm going to get out of the house more. Maybe pursue a hobby or several that I've been thinking about. Hell, maybe even do some acting.


So to wrap this up, let me just say that changes are on the horizon. This year is going to be great! Because I am going to force greatness down its throat the way you had to choke down your veggies as a child. 2014 is going to complain about the taste and make faces, but it will eat its damn greens. Or it will be eating my fist as I punch it in the mouth.