That's how it works for most people. I seem to be the exception to that rule, because I've noticed that the longer I do something, the worst I get at it.
This baffling bit of fuckery has been demonstrated to me in a variety of arenas over the years; I first noticed it when I was a snot nosed, know-it-all teenage shithead. I liked to go bowling with friends during my high school and early college years. I noticed that my first game would go swimmingly; my accuracy was spot on, and if I didn't win, I'd be a close second. But after the second game, I'd progressively get worse and worse; by the time we left the alley, I'd be about as useless as a cross-eyed stormtrooper* with Parkinson's.
 |
| So, a regular stormtrooper. |
It wasn't just bowling either; whatever sport or activity I'd get involved in would start out okay, but quickly turn into shit. And I don't mean your average, "I just had my morning cup of coffee" shit. No, I mean it became a massive line to the bathroom because everyone had food poisoning kind of shit. The kind that could kill everything within a five mile radius.
 |
| Behold, the end results of Taco Tuesday |
Shitty metaphors aside, this entropic cock-twisting anti-power of mine has reared it's ugly head once again. I've been getting involved in the pvp (player vs player) aspect of Destiny, the FPS (First Person Shooter) game developed by Bungie. Now, as a rule, I hate pvp, especially in a game like Destiny; Bungie tends to cater to all the fuckwits who want to pwn noobs, and it shows in their pvp arena the Crucible. But I also dislike being bad at an aspect of a game that I invest a significant portion of my time, so I've become determined to improve my game enough that I can stop feeling like I'm avoiding pvp because I'm scared of it, rather than just hating it on principle.
(Funny side note, my computer believes "entropic" is a misspelling, but ignored "pwn.")
After playing a few matches a day for the last few weeks, I have found that I'm actually worse at it than before. My scores are getting lower and lower, and my K/D ratio (Kill-Deaths) is getting ridiculously lopsided. Somehow, with all this practice, my accuracy has turned to week old dog poop, and I'm dying left and right.
Needless to say, I've been very, very close to living up to every fat nerd stereotype on the net; I've screamed all sorts of obscenities at my PS4 for wronging me and thrown my controller across the room in a fit of epic nerdrage (it now bears a nice crack along the right handle). If I had a table in my room, I would have flipped that shit at least two dozen times already. Take a look at this.
This is the results of my last Crucible match. My gamer tag is Tazzenkaff, and as you can see, I'm almost last. I was holding back frustrated tears as I snapped that little picture; this is the end result of weeks of consistent practice. I'm not improving at all, and it is demoralizing because Destiny is just the latest in a long line of things I work on but continue to suck at. And I can hear you saying now: "Chill out, it's only a game." I honestly wouldn't be so upset about it if it weren't for the fact that this kind of nonsense is a constant for me.
Consistently getting worse at things with practice can't be normal, so it must be my own unique superpower. Now I know how Rogue feels. Or Jubilee. Because Jubilee sucks at everything too.
 |
| Oh look, it's the Meg Griffin of X-Men. |
*In retrospect, using Parkinson's Disease to make a funny quip was in poor taste on my part. Parkinson's Disease is a serious illness, and writing what I did was just messed up. So my apologies for comparing Parkinson's to being a stormtrooper. Nobody sucks as much as a stormtrooper. Except for possibly Jubilee.
