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| "Afraid not, buddy." |
Since I began searching for a new job waaaaaaaay back in August 2016, when I was laid off from my previous employment, I have filled out literally hundreds of job applications to a diverse number of potential jobs. I've signed up on a few of the more popular job sites-- indeed and monster specifically-- and plastered my resume across the internet. I even signed for a temp agency and had them go over my resume with a fine toothed comb.
All of that has produced nothing. Zilch. Nada.
10 months of continuous job searching has produced no results. Just three interviews and three rejections. Three interviews out of hundreds of applications and resume drops. That delightful temp agency I signed up for-- the one designed to find me temp work-- has also produced nothing. At this point, I honestly don't know what else I can do.
Other than start drinking.
I've exhausted all of my unemployment. I cashed out my 401k a couple of months ago, and that allowed me to pay my rent and phone bill. I am now completely and utterly broke beyond anything I have ever experienced before; I have about $15 in my wallet, and that represents the entirety of my money. Nothing in the bank, nothing saved up.
Looks like I can't even explore that "Start Drinking" option; who can afford booze? Certainly not I.
And if that bit of misery isn't enough, I'm also facing a series of what I like to call, "I'm Fucked Situations." Let's go over them in more detail, shall we?
1. My lease is up at the end of June. That would normally be fine, welcome even; this apartment complex blows goats. It's expensive and shit breaks down on a regular basis. The complex only employs a single handyman, and the poor guy runs himself ragged trying to keep ahead of the decay and entropy that this apartment complex experiences.
Unfortunately, me not having a job or money saved up means that when the lease is up and my roommate moves on, I won't be able to find a new place. That will force me to move back in at my moms place due to lack of options. That's what every 34 year old man dreams of, right?
2. My phone is going to be shut off this month, seeing as I, you know, can't pay my bill. Not having a reliable means of communicating with the outside world-- or potential employers being able to contact me-- is going to hinder this finding a job mission of mine.
3. After this month is up, I'll have a very limited ability to get around town, seeing as-- you guessed it-- I won't have bus fair or money for a pass.
I'm sure you're seeing a pattern here. No money= I am completely fucked.
4. The depression that I have been wrestling with since three minutes before I was born has gained a mighty big foothold in my mind of late, due mostly to the fact that I am lonely and broke. Nothing helps my self-esteem like realizing that I'm a grown man in my mid-thirties who cannot reliably take care of myself. Needless to say, I'm feeling a mite bit worthless at the moment. I'm sure spending my days closeted in my room isn't helping, but try finding the motivation to move when you don't feel worthy to even look at other people, let alone speak to them.
5. Disclaimer: This next bit might be a little TMI, but whatever. I have been out of control horny for what feels like months now. My libido has always been on the large side, but lately... yeesh. I feel as if I could pelvic thrust my way through a brick wall, if that wall happens to have an hourglass figure.
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| "You looking fine, girl" |
Put all of that together and you'll find a man who is barely keeping his shit together. I find myself raging at the smallest things, and this even resulted in me breaking down into tears a few days ago. Manly tears of righteous frustration, mind you, but still tears.
Even worse, I haven't been able to get any writing done in weeks, because what the fuck is the point to trying to accomplish anything when I am a big fat failure? I'm almost certain that was the depression talking just now. But do you see what I'm working against?
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