I must have spent close to an hour staring at my computer screen, waiting for words to spontaneously ooze from my brain meats, travel down to my fingers, and then transfer to the blank Word document. Despite my protest, that didn't happen.
Originally I was going to discuss some drama that I experienced this past week at work, but I decided against it for the time being; while I have no problem talking about the incident, I do know that a few of my co-workers have access to my Facebook and thus my blog, and it wouldn't do to make a bad situation worse by talking about it. So as the great Bard Billy Shakespeare once said, "Seal up your lips and give no words but mum."
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| "Preach on, brother." |
You get bonus points if you can tell me which of Shakespeare's works that line comes from without using google or wikipedia.
So with my first idea for a blog entry cancelled, I found myself in the vexing situation of wanting to write, but having no subject matter. That is sadly an all too common occurrence with me; the spirit is willing, but the brain sucks a Krogan Quad.
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| "Go on..." |
With that being said, I thought I'd give a general update on what's been going on in the insanely awesome world of Darren.
To summarize, the only awesome thing happening in my world right now is me. Everything else seems to have decided to get together and SUCK. I know I throw that word and others of its ilk around a lot, but I really mean it this time. Things are pretty bad right now.
In the order of the least SUCKTASTIC to the most:
1. My social circle has been cut in half. One of the few friends I have in this city is moving to Spokane, the armpit of Washington State, to go to college. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled he has a goal that he seems to be passionate about, but it kind of sucks for me. He's a recluse who has no problems spending everyday indoors playing video games or browsing the interwebs, so he'll be fine with friends. I, on the other hand, am a social animal (I know, right? Who knew?).
2. My financial situation becomes more and more untenable; student loan repayments, rent, bills, and food are sucking my paychecks up faster than I can save them. As it stands, I don't have the money for all the things I desperately need, such as my own place or a car. Looks like I'll be living went family for years to come.
3. My creative well seems to have dried up for the most part. I'm sitting on a few short stories that aren't going anywhere. Hell, even writing the blog has been difficult, as you can plainly see from the wide gap between updates. I try to power through and write something, but nothing happens. I feel...thin. Sort of stretched, like butter scrapped over too much bread. I need a holiday, guys. A very long holiday.
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| "That's MY line!" |
Which brings me to:
4. The Thanksgiving Disaster. The whole family (My mother, older brother, younger brother, his girlfriend and their three kids, and yours truly) decided to go and visit my Grandma down in our home town of Kansas City, Mo. I cannot express the disdain I feel for that city. The sheer, venomous loathing that wells up from the pit of my stomach.
Kansas City is a disgusting cesspool filled with every negative black stereotype you've ever heard of, and some you haven't; ignorant thug wannabe's gleefully run the streets mugging and robbing folks for whatever they have. The public school system is an absolute disgrace; I was considered a nerd by the other students because I managed a C average in the brief 10 months I went to High School there before my Mother wisely decided we should move back to Alaska before I was killed. And no, I'm not joking; I had a gun pulled on me 14 times *on school property* by various knuckle-dragging primates determined to prove how tough and cool they were.
I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea. I will sum up by saying this: Kansas City is a filthy pile of concrete and has the highest homicide rates in the entire country. It's worse than Detroit and lacks the star power.
Had Obi-wan ever visited Kansas City, he would have revised his opinion of Mos Eisley.
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| "You will never find a more pleasant neighborhood of polite, honorable heroes. And the housing market is excellent." |
As you can imagine, my enthusiasm for returning to the city of my birth was nil. I can honestly say that every time I set foot in that city, bad things happen. And my streak continued. While we were there, my Little Brother managed to piss off and basically alienate the entire family, my three month old niece caught pneumonia and had to be rushed to the ER, I only managed about 9 hours of sleep the entire four days I was there, and my Grandpa's wallet was stolen.
5. And finally, the reason for our trip: my Grandma doesn't have much time. For 10 years now, she's been fighting a losing battle with cancer. She's been holding out well, but it seems it's gotten worse. Now she's feeling pain where there was none before. And she's tired. We can all see it; the only reason she continues chemo is for our sake.
Last week she had to go to the ER because she was having trouble breathing. Her red blood cell count was low, and there was signs of internal bleeding. She had to have a blood transfusion, and thankfully they found the source of the bleeding and fixed it. But things are grim. I honestly don't know if I'll ever see her again. But I suppose that's just existential truth.
So, that's pretty much it! A lot of stuff going on in the life of Me, and almost all of it SUCKS. I'm trying that thing where I'm positive and wait for the shit storm to blow over. It's difficult; my positive muscles are not unlike the fat kid in gym class who was forced to run a mile by himself because all the other kids managed to finish theirs a half an hour earlier.
That was a lot of depressing, unhappy subject matter, so here's a picture of an adorable kitten. Don't say I never did anything for you.
