The little bundle of furry energy is called Kaleesi, named after some character or title from the Song of Ice and Fire series. I guess. I don't know, I've yet to watch the show or read the books. Don't judge me.
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| "You fail at life, Darren." |
Anywho, Kaleesi has all those wonderful qualities that we look for in a kitten; she easily fits in the palm of your hand, she's so fluffy you could mistake her for a stray dust bunny and try to sweep her up (I've done this twice now), and her meows are so sickeningly sweet that your head is in danger of transmuting into cotton candy and exploding all over the room. So basically, your standard model of kitten.
Of course, with this cuteness comes hassles and complications, not unlike buying a car. Your vehicle provides the means to get from point A to B, and the freedom to leave your house on a Friday night to socialize with your friends. I wonder what that's like...
But along with that freedom comes car payments, maintenance, absurd gas prices, and insurance. Kittens have similar strings attached, and we all know how much felines like string. There's a slew of downsides that the smooth talking Kitten Salesman with the oily smile didn't mention when you stopped by the Kitten Dealership looking for a new model. Things like:
~ Attacking your feet. Whether you be sitting, sleeping, or mid-step going down the stairs, the kitten will pounce with playful glee, rejoicing in your screams of shocked pain, and in the case of the stairs, limb-flailing terror as you desperately snatch at the stair rail to arrest your visit to the emergency room.
~ Climbing EVERYTHING. House plants, the kitchen counter, tables, book shelves, and your legs. Kittens love to climb. Just the other day, the fuzzy nightmare decided that scaling my window blinds was a worthy endeavor.
~ Invading your space. All felines are guilty of this, but kittens are worse. Kittens give absolutely no fucks about what you're doing or why. Adult cats can at least understand your reasoning for throwing them off the book you were in the middle of reading. But not kittens. Kittens have no understanding of the rage you experience. Furiously dashing them against the wall only encourages them to try again, harder.
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| "Come at me, bro." |
~ Boundless energy. A kitten's playfulness is one of it's selling points. But it quickly becomes a burden when that kitten wants to play in the middle of the night, while you lay safely tucked in your bed. Or when you're in the middle of playing your 360. Or when you're *trying* to study for your insanely difficult Math exam... -_-
~ Claws and teeth. An unfortunate addition to the adorable meows, silky soft fur, and tiny size are claws and fangs that Hell had a hand in forging for the kitten's use. These diabolical devices are the tools with which the kitten can and will spread discord across your household. I hope you enjoy tiny scratches all over your arms and legs!
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| It's a proven fact that cat claws are made of acid and hellfire. |
Perhaps it's for all these reasons that my Niece is terrified of Kaleesi. My niece is 8 years old and has an ego that rivals *all* of the Kardashians combined; basically, she's a spoiled brat. Her braggadocio quickly evaporates if Kaleesi gets within 5 feet of her; boastful arrogance transforms into tear-filled screams as she flees towards the nearest high place. Of course, she doesn't seem to understand that kittens are excellent climbers...
I'm tempted to mock her for her fears; my nephew, who isn't even one year old yet, isn't scared of Kaleesi. The two get along famously, taking naps together and chasing each other around the living room.
Taking glee from my niece's terror probably doesn't make me a good uncle, does it?
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