Lonely is the Night

As I write this, it's 3:35am. I can't sleep, and haven't managed a good nights rest for close to a week; understandably, the days and nights have begun to blend together. It could be for any number of reasons, this lack of sleep; finals week, also known to the multitudes of students as Hell Week, looms. I have a Math for Health Careers test next Friday that I've yet to prepare for. No, that can't be it; despite my difficulties with mathematics, I'm actually comprehending the materials. I feel, dare I say it, confident the outcome of this last test will be positive.

My head is in a fog, a murky quagmire made up of frustration, dissatisfaction, and loneliness. I honestly don't know which is worse. What I do know is that's resulted in a condition made of equal parts ennui and melancholy. A recipe for disaster, no?

I've been living in this state for more than a year now, and I've had a distressing lack of success making new friends, of forging new relationships. Basically, I spend most days by myself. Oh, not in the physical sense; I'm constantly around people, whether it be coworkers or classmates, family or the random passerby.
Really, any interactions I have on any given day are incidental. So, to some it up, I work and go to school, and when that's done, I come home and read or watch TV or veg out on the interweb.

That's not to say I don't know people around town; there are a few from my former abode who call this city home. But, alas, everyone has their own lives now, and I rarely see them. In fact, months can and do pass without any sort of communication.

Mine is the loneliness of a person who has no one around who "gets" him, who understands his ways. I've always been the weird one in my family, the strange one. My brothers often say that I'm "different," and I am. My interests diverge sharply from theirs; I like reading, they don't. Our tastes in music is like night and day. Style of dress, hobbies, you name it, I'm different. That's not to say they don't accept me for who I am; other than some good natured brotherly gibing that goes both ways, we're good. But acceptance isn't the same thing as understanding, alas.


I doubt a solution will magically present itself to my problem, and such was not my intention by writing this first blog. Really, I just needed to get it off of my mind and, lacking a shoulder, felt this would be a decent medium. It's now 4:06am, and I have to be at work in a little over two hours, so I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. Well, better luck tomorrow night.