I need a project!

So this is going to be a relatively quick post; it's almost midnight, and another exciting work week begins tomorrow.

Lately, I've had this persistent itch...

No, not that kind. I mean this weird, restless desire to do something creative. Something above and beyond thinking up blog posts to give all three of the people who read it a quick and amusing glimpse into the life and thought process of yours truly.

It was inevitable, really. I know too many of these damn creative types; musicians, artists, actors, and writers are pretty much all I associate with. Granted, none of these people are actually *around* me, but whatever. And even beyond personal affiliations, there are all over the interweb cool, hip individuals letting their creative juices leak out of their smug, brilliant heads. They are doing web comics and vlogs, Video Game Let's Plays and movie reviews. They blunder about crafting memes, and in general, make the lives of social rejects such as myself a little brighter.

The point, dear lads and lassies, is that I find myself in need of a serious creative outlet. I need a project! I need something right-brained (yes, I know the left/right brain thing has been disproved) to bring balance to my current state, which is pretty meh, to be honest.

The only problem is that I have absolutely no ideas for cool, hip projects. However, I do have an overabundance of BLAH, so maybe it will work out.

A Tale of the Dreaded Friend-Zone.

Well, dreaded for guys, at any rate; I've rarely encountered a group of women standing around, complaining about being friendzoned by the hot guy who lives on the fourth floor. Or maybe they do, and they just practice a rare and valuable ninja art called Subtle. Perhaps it happens to women just as often as men, but men don't know about it because we are poor listeners and sexist pigs and *insert gender bias here*

Maybe, but I doubt it.

It wasn't my idea to upload an entry about this subject; the number of blogs featuring the angsty, despairing wails of antisocial neckbeards incapable of speaking to any female who isn't their mom could well reach into the hundreds of billions; I have no desire to contribute to that unwashed mess. However, a friend of mine who keeps insisting that I write about stuff (Gods, it's as if she actually cares about my aspirations of being a world famous novelist or something...) suggested that this tale I'm about to unfold would make for a great blog entry; the fact that she hasn't heard this story yet doesn't seem to matter, so here we go.

This miserable tale of woe takes place in May, right around Mother's Day. Since the beginning of 2013, I had been talking with this girl, let's call her Jenny, via online messaging. I met her on OKCupid, one of the countless online dating sites that have popped up like weeds in the interweb's prize garden. I've never been a fan of the online dating thing; I've seen and heard too many horror stories about them, involving everything from dudes pretending to be chicks, to dudes pretending to be chicks pretending to be dudes. I prefer to actually meet the woman in person first; I know, I'm weird...

But I figured, what the hell? I'm in a new city, I have zero friends, and am perpetually Forever Alone, so I might as well give it a try. Plus I know people who have done the online thing and met with great success. What could go wrong?

Anywho, I had been talking to Jenny for a few months via messaging; we'd have yet to meet in person. Our profiles on OKC were pretty closely in sync; a 93% compatibility is nothing to sneeze at (if you're the type who cares for that sort of thing). We had a lot in common; a love of reading, taste in similar movies, cartoons, etc. Plus she was hip to current nerd pop culture, a quality that's very important in a woman. Right up there with boobs.

The only problem was, I had no interest in her as a prospective mate. You didn't see that one coming, did you?

When we first started communicating, I had made it abundantly clear that I was not looking for a relationship. Now, you probably think that's a weird stance to take while surfing an online dating site, and you might be right. But OKC has this little section where you get to spell out what your are looking for on the site; not everyone is after relationships, or even a date. At the time, I was looking for friends and activity partners.

No, not those activities, you perverts. Get your minds out of the gutter. I wasn't looking for *ahem* casual fun time either. Just friends.

I mentioned this fact to her, and she said she was fine with it. We spent the next four months or so chatting,  and when we met up a week before Mother's Day, it was for the sole purpose of hanging out as friends.
We went out to a local bar, had some drinks, and talked. It was a lot of fun, and even though I have little interest in alcohol, I had a good time.

So let's jump forward to Saturday, May 11th. The day before Mother's Day. I was invited by Jenny to go bar hopping out in Bellevue. The plan was to spend a few hours running around downtown Bellevue, do some dancing, people watch, and then retire for the night. Jenny had made her couch available to me for the night, and on the morrow she would drive me back home.

Before I go any further, I want to say two things. First, I need to reiterate that I was NOT looking for anything other than friendship from Jenny. She knew it, and I knew it. Second, I am not the most observant person when it comes to recognizing signals. I once point blank told a hottie who insisted that she knew me from somewhere that I did not in fact know her from anywhere, and that she must be mistaken. In the background, my friends where groaning, slapping their heads, and silently calling me an idiot. One even went so far as to pound his forehead repeatedly into the bar top once the dejected hottie vacated my presence. My friends mocked and ridiculed me for months after that. And they were right to do it.

That second point is important, because *I* noticed her putting the moves on me. And if I notice it, it must be horribly obvious to all. Throughout the evening, she:

~ Played with her hair, twirling it around her finger while giving me sultry looks with eyes that smoldered.

~ Made a point of touching my arm or leg as often as possible.

~ Laughed at every one of my stupid jokes and idiotic ramblings. And there were a lot; Stupid and idiotic make up 80% of my sentences on any given day.

In addition to those telltale signals, there were other, more obvious signs that something was up.

~ At one point, we had entered the first of many bars. I'm paraphrasing, but she said something along the lines of, "I'm going to have to stick by you; if I leave a man as good looking as you standing around for even a minute, you'll be surrounded by women trying to get in your pants."

~ Later, when we had stopped by a cool little spot to get some food, our waitress, a smoking hot blonde, paused and sized us up. Again I'm paraphrasing, she said, "You two are really cute together. I like this." That part was fine, but what wasn't fine was the way Jenny took that opportunity to reach out and take my hand. It was awkward, to say the least.

~ As we headed back to her place, she was having a hard time walking; a few hours dancing in heels will do that to anyone, I guess. Taking off her heels, she then leaned on my shoulder for support. I guess that one could be an innocent gesture, right? You would be correct, if you disregarded the ever so subtle butt rub she offered in thanks.

Once the night was over, and she had retired to her room while I awkwardly tried to go to sleep on her couch (I HATE sleeping in an unfamiliar place), I reflected on the evenings events. I knew things would come to a head soon.

And I was right.

It was the next day, Mother's Day, May 12th. She had graciously drove me home that morning. The conversation was subdued; I hoped it was just because she was recovering from a night of drinking and dancing. Once I arrived home, I showered, did a little studying for a Math exam I had the following day, and then the family and I were taking my Mom out to eat. Because, you know, Mother's Day.

On the way to the steakhouse (it's always a steakhouse), I got a text from Jenny. It read: "After last night, I realized something. I realized that I really don't want to be your friend. I want  to be more than that. And I know that's not possible. For the record, I really did enjoy my time with you. I'm not sure if I can just be a platonic friend."

Well damn.

The Friend Zone sucks. I kind of understand how women must feel when they turn down the advances of some brave soul who approaches them. I feel bad, despite the fact that I made every effort to keep things platonic. I kind of feel that I could have done more to keep a wall between us, but at the same time, I didn't want to hurt Jenny's feelings.

I really did enjoy hanging out with her; she's an Archer fan, after all. But I was at a point in my life where dating was impossible; unemployed, with no prospects, no car, and living entirely on the kindness of family. I was in no place financially for a relationship, nor was I in the right state of mind; I battled with depression and low self-esteem on a daily basis. I would have ruined any sort of romantic relationship within weeks.

What really sucks about the experience is that I lost what could have been an awesome friendship. But what could I do? With her feeling the way she did, there was no way we could have still hung out.

Oh well.

It's been a while.

Wow, so it has been about two weeks since I've posted an entry for this blog. I don't think I've ever let that much time pass between updates; granted, I've only been blogging for a couple of months now, but up until now, I've been fairly consistent with my posts, averaging an entry every three or four days.

My hiatus hasn't been due to a lack of interest; I've actually been itching to post for a week now. Rather, I've just been so damn busy. Being busy is highly unusual for me.

The last couple of weeks have been rather hectic. In my last post, I gushed about my new employment status (spoiler alert: I do more of that); I have a pretty good job now, and am currently in the middle of training. It's a four week process, and trust me when I say that every day of it is needed. There is a lot of information to learn. Truth be told, I'm kind of nervous about it. Partially because it is a new job, but mostly because I'm afraid that I'll get some wires crossed and blunder something important. According to my trainer, it takes about 6 months for anybody to feel comfortable on the job, so I don't feel bad about being nervous; apparently, everyone goes through the same process of being a blundering wreck. So, go me.

Now, at the same time, I was also working my last two weeks at the retail job. So basically, my day began with me groggily stumbling out of bed at a cheery 6:30 am, grabbing a quick bite before heading out to do retail drudgery from 7:30 to 10:30 am, then immediately heading to the other job to work from 11 am to 7:30 pm. Getting home a little after 8 pm left me with about two and a half hours before I had to return to Slumberville, population me.

Now, I'm not complaining. I'm really not. I'm psyched about the new job, and more than happy to go and get paid real money. Putting in my last two weeks as a retail drone was good and decent; walking up and quitting on the spot would be a dick move, especially considering how understaffed they are.

That being said, I am greatly relieved to be done with Retail Land. I like my former co-workers; all of them are good people. But the job stunk.

With my new job comes better pay and more opportunities. It also comes with a few snags, unfortunately, but I can deal with those. Let's examine them (because I'm sure you're fascinated and not at all tired of me talking about this):

Pro's:
1. Good pay. I make more in a week then I did in whole month at Retail land. That sounds more impressive then it really is, though; Retail Land pay came out to around $95 a week. Do the math and weep with me.

2. Free time. I work 24 hours a week. Three 8 hour days. That gives me 4 days a week to focus on other projects and interests. Now, for the year and a half I've been in Seattle, I've had nothing but free time. The big difference is that now I'm not being a useless lump. I can actually contribute to the bills and rent and whatnot, which I can tell you does wonderful things for my ego and sense of well-being.

3. Paid Time Off! I've never had PTO before. I look forward to taking the occasional day off and not worrying about how it will effect my income.

4. I get to sleep in!!! You notice I have three exclamation marks. That indicates how excited I am about this. I HATE getting up early in the morning; to say that I'm not a morning person would be an understatement. Working at Retail Land, I was forced to arise with the sun. And being the night owl that I am, I constantly had to fight my natural tendencies to stay up late in the evening; I've had to dose myself with some form of sleep aid at least once a week.
For the next two weeks, I get to wake up at 9:30 am. This fact brings me joy, like the feeling of being wrapped in a warm blanket, drinking a mug of hot chocolate and reading a good book.

Kind of like this, except completely different.

After that, I can wake up whenever I want. (But see con's below)

Con's:
1. No school. So I've been in the Worker Retraining program, which helps poor scumbags such as myself get an education in a marketable field. They pay for tuition and books, sometime even transportation. That sounds incredible, right? Well, it was...
But I no longer qualify. It turns out you have to be on unemployment and/or not making a certain amount. Getting this job has knocked me off the list of those who can get free schooling. So now I'm forced to actually *pay* for my own education. What the hell has this world come to?

An even bigger snag is that the only reason I was going to that particular school and studying that particular field (medical assisting) was because it was being paid for. Now that that is no longer the case, it puts me in an interesting place. I need to sit down and figure out what I want to do as far as schooling goes. Oh, and save up money to pay for classes.

2. My shift kind of sucks. I work Thursday- Saturday, 5 pm to 1:30 am. Odd hours, but also the busiest. What that means is that when ever I actually cobble together some kind of social life, I will be at work during the time most people are usually out having fun.

It's kind of lame, but I'd rather do this and have money than be a broke fuck and have limitless free evenings.


It seems the Pro's outnumber the Con's; that's a first for me when it comes to any form of employment. Long story short (too late!), I'm pretty satisfied.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Lifestyle Upgrade

It's been a long time coming.

I've spent 19 months, more then a year and a half, of my life living in a situation that has been... humbling, to say the least. Since late December of 2011, I've been unemployed, or nearly so; the 12 or so hours a week I get working at  Retail Hell barely qualifies as an actual job, and I don't count it as such.

In that time, I've filled out 927 applications, sent my resume to countless companies, temp agencies, and online job sites. And in all that time, I can count on one hand how many interviews or call backs I've received. I've acquired plenty of rejection letters, however; there are few things in this world more soul-crushing as a rejection letter from a prospective job.

Well, that's all done and over with. I've finally landed a really good job. And with that job comes the lifestyle upgrade that I've been yearning for for longer than I care to think about.

Getting to this point has been an ever present goal of mine since I first moved to Seattle; The idea was to get a good job, get my own place, a car, and start living like a grown up. Sadly, it hasn't worked out like that, as much as I've tried. As of today, I'm still living with family, have no means of transportation beyond the public kind, and I feel very much like a 30 year old child.

Now that I've reached this very important first step, I find myself experiencing a strange phenomenon I like to call "New Employment Syndrome" or "I Ain't Broke No Mo'!" It comes in three steps.

Step 1: Paradigm Shift
It starts out with a strange disassociation from your normal mode of thinking. In my case, I had to actually sit and contemplate just what had happened, and what the end results would mean. I've been poor and broke for a very long time now, and the prospect of not being in that state is so foreign that I can scarcely believe it. As it stands, I've just now come to accept that it isn't a fluke.

"Did someone say Fluke?"

This entry level position offers excellent pay, flexibility for pursuit of my educational goals, paid vacations, benefits, and plenty of opportunity for advancement should I choose it. As someone who has spent their entire adult life working retail and low paying positions, this is naturally surreal. Even now, days after the fact, I'm having a hard time adjusting to it.

Step 2: Toys!
Followed closely behind the first step is the realization that I'll have money to buy things! That is one of the goals of working in this consumerist society we live in today, right? Working hard so that you can go out and spend your hard earned money on shit you don't need.

Naturally, I've never had the luxury to just splurge on useless toys. I still won't, despite my unrealistic excitement, but I've taken a step in the right direction. I can now (or soon will be) able to buy some of the stuff I've wanted for a while but haven't had the means to get. Things such as:

~ The materials to build a kick ass gaming pc.
~ A PS3; I can *finally* play The Last of Us. And Kingdom Hearts 1.5 comes out in September...
~ A vehicle or some sort.
~ Real vacations to exotic locals! I've always wanted to travel. Now I can actually save my money and take a long, relaxing trip and not worry about how much money I'm not making while I vacation.
~ Books. I have so many books on my "must read" list. Now I can actually buy all those books. And read them. Read them so HARD.
~ Savings. I can actually save money for the rainy day that is always just over the horizon; I live in Seattle, after all. Plenty of rain.

Excuse me while I wipe the droll from my chin...

Step 3: Oh Shit, Responsibility?!
Now that it's the day before orientation and job training, I've hit the last step. The step where I realize that all this money and benefits comes with the expectation that I'll actually work. And worse, perform my job well. Fuck, there goes my wood.

Even worse, it comes with nerves. The job requires a lot of multitasking, combined with a secure knowledge of the computer system, *and* I have to talk on the phone with real life doctors on a regular basis. Um, gulp. Now I get to experience the nervous tension that comes with learning a bunch of new skills, in addition to the pressure to perform well in front of my direct supervisor, who will be training me for the entirety of August. Again, gulp.

Damn, I guess there really *aren't* any free lunches