Maybe, but I doubt it.
It wasn't my idea to upload an entry about this subject; the number of blogs featuring the angsty, despairing wails of antisocial neckbeards incapable of speaking to any female who isn't their mom could well reach into the hundreds of billions; I have no desire to contribute to that unwashed mess. However, a friend of mine who keeps insisting that I write about stuff (Gods, it's as if she actually cares about my aspirations of being a world famous novelist or something...) suggested that this tale I'm about to unfold would make for a great blog entry; the fact that she hasn't heard this story yet doesn't seem to matter, so here we go.
This miserable tale of woe takes place in May, right around Mother's Day. Since the beginning of 2013, I had been talking with this girl, let's call her Jenny, via online messaging. I met her on OKCupid, one of the countless online dating sites that have popped up like weeds in the interweb's prize garden. I've never been a fan of the online dating thing; I've seen and heard too many horror stories about them, involving everything from dudes pretending to be chicks, to dudes pretending to be chicks pretending to be dudes. I prefer to actually meet the woman in person first; I know, I'm weird...
But I figured, what the hell? I'm in a new city, I have zero friends, and am perpetually Forever Alone, so I might as well give it a try. Plus I know people who have done the online thing and met with great success. What could go wrong?
Anywho, I had been talking to Jenny for a few months via messaging; we'd have yet to meet in person. Our profiles on OKC were pretty closely in sync; a 93% compatibility is nothing to sneeze at (if you're the type who cares for that sort of thing). We had a lot in common; a love of reading, taste in similar movies, cartoons, etc. Plus she was hip to current nerd pop culture, a quality that's very important in a woman. Right up there with boobs.
The only problem was, I had no interest in her as a prospective mate. You didn't see that one coming, did you?
When we first started communicating, I had made it abundantly clear that I was not looking for a relationship. Now, you probably think that's a weird stance to take while surfing an online dating site, and you might be right. But OKC has this little section where you get to spell out what your are looking for on the site; not everyone is after relationships, or even a date. At the time, I was looking for friends and activity partners.
No, not those activities, you perverts. Get your minds out of the gutter. I wasn't looking for *ahem* casual fun time either. Just friends.
I mentioned this fact to her, and she said she was fine with it. We spent the next four months or so chatting, and when we met up a week before Mother's Day, it was for the sole purpose of hanging out as friends.
We went out to a local bar, had some drinks, and talked. It was a lot of fun, and even though I have little interest in alcohol, I had a good time.
So let's jump forward to Saturday, May 11th. The day before Mother's Day. I was invited by Jenny to go bar hopping out in Bellevue. The plan was to spend a few hours running around downtown Bellevue, do some dancing, people watch, and then retire for the night. Jenny had made her couch available to me for the night, and on the morrow she would drive me back home.
Before I go any further, I want to say two things. First, I need to reiterate that I was NOT looking for anything other than friendship from Jenny. She knew it, and I knew it. Second, I am not the most observant person when it comes to recognizing signals. I once point blank told a hottie who insisted that she knew me from somewhere that I did not in fact know her from anywhere, and that she must be mistaken. In the background, my friends where groaning, slapping their heads, and silently calling me an idiot. One even went so far as to pound his forehead repeatedly into the bar top once the dejected hottie vacated my presence. My friends mocked and ridiculed me for months after that. And they were right to do it.
That second point is important, because *I* noticed her putting the moves on me. And if I notice it, it must be horribly obvious to all. Throughout the evening, she:
~ Played with her hair, twirling it around her finger while giving me sultry looks with eyes that smoldered.
~ Made a point of touching my arm or leg as often as possible.
~ Laughed at every one of my stupid jokes and idiotic ramblings. And there were a lot; Stupid and idiotic make up 80% of my sentences on any given day.
In addition to those telltale signals, there were other, more obvious signs that something was up.
~ At one point, we had entered the first of many bars. I'm paraphrasing, but she said something along the lines of, "I'm going to have to stick by you; if I leave a man as good looking as you standing around for even a minute, you'll be surrounded by women trying to get in your pants."
~ Later, when we had stopped by a cool little spot to get some food, our waitress, a smoking hot blonde, paused and sized us up. Again I'm paraphrasing, she said, "You two are really cute together. I like this." That part was fine, but what wasn't fine was the way Jenny took that opportunity to reach out and take my hand. It was awkward, to say the least.
~ As we headed back to her place, she was having a hard time walking; a few hours dancing in heels will do that to anyone, I guess. Taking off her heels, she then leaned on my shoulder for support. I guess that one could be an innocent gesture, right? You would be correct, if you disregarded the ever so subtle butt rub she offered in thanks.
Once the night was over, and she had retired to her room while I awkwardly tried to go to sleep on her couch (I HATE sleeping in an unfamiliar place), I reflected on the evenings events. I knew things would come to a head soon.
And I was right.
It was the next day, Mother's Day, May 12th. She had graciously drove me home that morning. The conversation was subdued; I hoped it was just because she was recovering from a night of drinking and dancing. Once I arrived home, I showered, did a little studying for a Math exam I had the following day, and then the family and I were taking my Mom out to eat. Because, you know, Mother's Day.
On the way to the steakhouse (it's always a steakhouse), I got a text from Jenny. It read: "After last night, I realized something. I realized that I really don't want to be your friend. I want to be more than that. And I know that's not possible. For the record, I really did enjoy my time with you. I'm not sure if I can just be a platonic friend."
Well damn.
The Friend Zone sucks. I kind of understand how women must feel when they turn down the advances of some brave soul who approaches them. I feel bad, despite the fact that I made every effort to keep things platonic. I kind of feel that I could have done more to keep a wall between us, but at the same time, I didn't want to hurt Jenny's feelings.
I really did enjoy hanging out with her; she's an Archer fan, after all. But I was at a point in my life where dating was impossible; unemployed, with no prospects, no car, and living entirely on the kindness of family. I was in no place financially for a relationship, nor was I in the right state of mind; I battled with depression and low self-esteem on a daily basis. I would have ruined any sort of romantic relationship within weeks.
What really sucks about the experience is that I lost what could have been an awesome friendship. But what could I do? With her feeling the way she did, there was no way we could have still hung out.
Oh well.
No comments:
Post a Comment